On Pete Rose

Should Pete Rose get into the Hall?
That's the oldest story of all.
Didn't Adam and Eve
For good have to leave
Their Eden after the Fall?

Before Game 3 of the 2002 ALCS

As Milton comes down from the frost,
Angels from heaven are tossed.
Milton shows how they fell,
Makes us watch burn in hell
Angels cursing their paradise lost.

Before Game 5 of the 2002 ALDS

When questioned if they will face Scioscia,
The Twins fan responded, "Yah, oh, sure,
We'll win, sure, yabetcha!
I'm planning to getcha
A date with a Disneyland brochure!"

On Nick Swisher

When they spend their first draft pick on Swisher
The A's were a got-what-they-wisher
They're quite happy with Nick
But a nit they could pick
Is he's too much a swing-and-a-misher.

On Billy Beane not watching games live

There was a great GM named Beane
Whose team he'd never actually seen.
When asked how he wins,
He nervously grins,
"Supersti-- er, it's my routine."

On Eric Chavez

There is a third baseman named Eric
Whose glove has turned golden from ferric.
Though praises we sing
Of his powerful swing,
His walk rate is merely generic.

On Matt Mantei returning from injury

Yet one more bloody contusion
Throws the D-Backs pen in confusion
They say he can throw
But what I want to know
Is can the Mantei his shoes on?

Ode to a dying bird at the ballpark

The grounds crew has caused a sensation
That has swept right across our nation
A raining dead bird
May sound absurd
But it's the latest in fertilization.

On the Royals keeping Tony Muser

There certainly is no excusing
The year after year of just losing.
So to show that we cared
We retained Allard Baird!
The Royals: We're simply A-Muse-Ing!

Comparing Bud Selig to Ken Lay

Are Selig and Ken Lay akin?
No, Ken's is the deadlier sin.
For it's better to profit
And claim to lose off it,
Than to lose and pretend that you win.

On the Expos staying in Montreal

The Expos new deal will be struck
They'll play this year as a lame duck
All the fans in Quebec
Wonder when in the heck
Is the ref gonna drop that dang puck?

After the 2002 AFC Championship

The Steeltowners got just desserts
For bragging like Yank fans, and worse.
Now the Pats fans are posting;
Lord help us the boasting
If the Babe ever lifted his curse.

On Dan O'Dowd

There was a young GM named Dan
Who just couldn't stick with a plan.
He got so refined
At changing his mind
His schemes ended before they began.